I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
