I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize