I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
