There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this will be a night to untag.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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