There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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