i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
