now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
