i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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