We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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