can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
