The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
