Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
