so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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