I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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