oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
