my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
