Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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