I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
