He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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