you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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