If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
