yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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