I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
