Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
