Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
