yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
