A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
