my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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