Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
