And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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