Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
