@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
