Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
