i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
