I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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