He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
