I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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