We're like a lot better than the average bears
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
