Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You took a bar mat shot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
