So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
