in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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