I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
