somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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