and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize