What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.