i need an iv and a liver transplant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.