I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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