She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face