I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
