I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
