EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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