Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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