By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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