Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
