Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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