Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
