I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
