I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
