Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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