Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
