Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
