you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
