He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
