When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
