If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
