He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
