Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You are a genius and a whore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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