Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
